Don't ask of me
by LadyBird
Summary: Severus Snape and James Potter famous for their rivalry. But there is also another story. Severus Snape remembers James Potter as he works to keep Harry safe.


**Disclaimer:** All the characters used in this story are the sole property of J.K Rowling (and some other big company whose name I do not remember. Sorry, no insults intended, just my bad memory). They are not mine. I take credit for the characters' actions and thoughts in this story, though (often used as they are).

**Rating:** PG-13

**Pairings:** James Potter/ Severus Snape

**Warnings:** slash (homosexual relationship), angst

**A/N:** I wrote my first ever James Potter/ Severus Snape story. It will probably be my last as well as I'm really not into this pairing. But this story didn't leave me alone 'till it was written. And boy, did the writing of this story leave me feeling emotionally wrung out.

**Feedback:** Will be saved into a special folder on my harddrive and taken into consideration.

**Don't ask of me**

_He is looking at me again, I can feel it. Looking with those green eyes of his. Her eyes. They say he looks just like you, and I suppose he does, but when I look at him all I see are Lily Evans' eyes. Your wife's eyes._

**"This Potion, Potter, is the most miserable attempt at making the Draught of the Living Death I have ever had misfortune to lay my eyes on. You have single-handedly taken the Gryffindor incompetence to new highs – or should I say, new lows? Detention at seven, Potter! And you will be remaking that Potion until you get it right, do you understand?"**

"Yes, Sir." Harry's carefully pitched voice holds no feelings at all. He doesn't take notice of Hermione's compassionate look or the Slytherins' gloating giggles. The Rawenclaws and lonely Hufflepuff take no notice – So Potter's in trouble again in Potions? Please, what else is new?

Snape turns around and bellows: "Quiet in the classroom!"  
The answer is astonished silence. Harry can't really remember Snape ever lashing out at Slytherins.

_After the "incident" in the Shrieking Sack where Black tried to kill me – and I don't care what you or Albus or anybody else says, Black did try to kill me – you tracked me down to apologize for Black's actions. When I ignored you you left…but you came back again another day. And again. And again. You apologized, repeatedly, over and over. Why did you do it? Were you afraid for Lupin? For Black? I don't know. I only remember – when I finally answered it wasn't to accept your apology or even deny it, it was about your actions and what you did to me. I hit you. You didn't hit me back – for the first time. Still, we fought. Viciously as you only can with words. And we wounded each other more deeply than I ever thought possible. Sometimes I think those wounds never really healed – and never really will._

You ended up apologizing - for your own actions, this time. Somehow I ended up apologizing for mine. But it didn't mean we had gone softer about each other. We still fought.

How did we go from fighting to arguing to talking to – dating, I guess – I will never know. But we did. And it was wonderful.

"Hey Severus, Severus? What are you doing?"  
James Potter grabbed the book Severus Snape had been reading and looked at the cover.  
"One Thousand Magical Herbs And Fungi?" Could you find anything more boring?"  
"I happen to think it interesting." Severus was not amused.  
"Tell me something I don't know." James absently paged through the book.  
"Look at this – what an interesting use for Fryman Leaf. I have to tell Sirius about it.  
"I'm sure our resident murderer would find anything that causes suffocation extremely interesting." Severus' voice was filled with venom. James snapped the book shut.  
"Look, I'm not saying he was right, okay? But I'm sure he never meant to… Sirius just has temper and he rarely thinks things through."  
"He has no grasp of the meaning of the word "Consequences", you mean? A misgiving which I must say both your Head of House and the Headmaster seem to overlook."  
James frowned at that, not really able to deny. If it had been anybody else…  
"Could we just drop it for now? I came to ask you to a drink!" He fished his invisibility cloak out of his book bag and held it up.  
"There is a Potions test tomorrow. I need to study." Severus was working very hard on not looking the least tempted.  
"Severus! You know the subject cold, just like always. You'll get hundred and eighty/six percent again, for sure. Come with me, please?"  
Puppy eyes did not always work on Severus, but sometimes…  
"Just the two of us? Pretty please?"  
James could see Severus' decisiveness wavering, shaking and finally breaking. He had to restrain a victorious grin. Now was not a good time for self congratulating.  
Severus took the "One Thousand…" and stuffed it into his bag.  
"All right, shall we go?"

_We spent time together – as much as we could. With you in Gryffindor and me in Slytherin it was much less than we wished. The House-system has never favoured interhouse romances. And the time we spent together was always a secret. I don't know if you thought me your dirty secret. I do know you never told anybody about us, not even to your closest friends - although I can understand that. It is quite possible I wouldn't have survived Black's reaction. Literally. And I – agreeing to your wishes never told anybody either. Not that I had somebody to tell a…a thing like that._

I learnt to admire you – although there were still qualities I didn't approve. I guess it was the same for you. You must have thought quite a lot of my potion-making abilities if you asked me for something like that. Or were you just desperate on behalf of your friend?

"Severus?"  
James rolled on his stomach and looked at his studying companion.  
"Mhm?" Severus was deep in yet another thick book about potions. There was a stack of those next to his bed.  
"You're the best Potions student of our year, right?"  
"For your information , by the OWL results I am the best Potions student in the last 154 years."  
The haughty response was accompanied by the sound of a page turning.  
"So, you can brew every kind of potions, right? Even the most difficult ones?"  
Severus refused to be distracted from his reading but replied anyway.  
"I can brew quite a lot of potions. Of course, there are some I can not. Yet."  
He had every intention to master even the most difficult of concoctions.  
"And you do invent potions of your own – I know you sell them to Slytherins, sometimes."  
"True." He had sold some of his brews to the Gryffindors as well. Actually, most of the Hogwarts students came to him for potions that they could not come by legally, but if James - the Head Boy - was ignorant of that , Severus was not going to enlighten him.  
"So you could invent a potion nobody has successfully achieved. A very difficult one?"  
Pride urged Severus to say yes, but by now it was clear James' interest was not a casual one.  
"Depends."  
"On what?"  
"If I have a reason to."  
Where was James going with it? Severus had a bad feeling…  
"Would you count me asking you to as a reason?"  
"Maybe. What kind of a potion do you need?"  
He didn't even really have to ask. He was quite sure he knew the answer already and he did not like it one bit. He should refuse right now. But…It was James.  
"Something for Remus. To help the werewolves. I know there's nothing to be done with the change, I did the research when we first found out, but if he could, I don't know, remember who he is when he transforms, retain his sanity or something… Something like that. It would help a lot."  
James was speaking quickly to get his point out before Severus stopped him. His lover, James noticed, had paused at turning a page with his hand still holding it.  
"You want me to invent a potion to help your pet monster?"  
Severus' voice was strangely quiet. But he hadn't said no right away. There was still hope.  
"If he could remember himself when he changes, if he could control himself… He could just go somewhere out of the way and spend the night there. Even in his flat. And what happened in the Shack… what almost happened… It wouldn't happen again. If the werewolves could control themselves at full moon they wouldn't be dangerous to anybody. Severus, Please?"  
There was no answer.  
"Severus?"  
"Severus?"  
James tried to catch the other's eyes but Severus' face was turned away. The hand on the book had balled into fist. Slowly the fingers relaxed and smoothed the crumpled page. Then he turned to face James.  
James let out a rush of breath only now releasing he had held his breath.  
"Severus I'm sorry, all right?  
It was stupid of me, I just thought… I didn't apparently, just like you always say, I don't think… You don't have to, just forget it…"  
A long finger was placed on his lips.  
"Sush. I'll do it."  
They looked at each other for a long moment.  
"Severus…"  
James' breath ghosted over Severus' hand making him visibly shiver. He swallowed before launching into detailed explanation.  
"It will be an interesting challenge. The potion to help werewolves is considered to be almost impossible to make. The indregents that should be used to control the mental state are dangerous to werewolf physique. Yes, it will be very interesting. I think there was a research started on wolfsbane, but when it didn't produce immediate positive responses it was discontinued…"  
The end of the sentence was lost in James' mouth.  
The thick Potions tome was swept on the floor by James careless move. Severus didn't even notice.

_I did it, James, do you know?_ I_, Severus Snape, did it. Not many people know, but it's mine, it is_ my _invention. Years of research, years of bowing over a cauldron and chopping, measuring, experimenting, starting over again – all for a thing I didn't even believe in. Years, James. And you were gone by then._

But I did it, James, I did it. What many famous Potions Masters had puzzled over, tried to achieve, failed and declared impossible - I did it. Because you asked me to.

He is quiet now, you know. He remembers who he is, just like you wanted. I don't know if it's a blessing or a curse for him – to remember. To be the only one left.

But no matter. I, Severus Snape, invented the Wolfsbane Potion, because you, James Potter, asked me to.

**"It is two minutes past seven, Mr. Potter. You are late."  
"We had a Quiddich practice, Sir. I apologize."  
"And Quiddich, like we all know, is so much more important that studying. God forbid you might somehow learn something useful to help you with…activities after school."  
"I said I was sorry. Can I get to my detention now?"  
"You have just secured yourself another one tomorrow night with Mr. Filch. Start your potion now!"  
Green eyes flash defiantly as the boy moves to collect the needed indregents.**

_Old wizarding family. Old blood. Pure blood._

I look at the children vaunting it and I remember you. They think it makes them special, gives them privileges, gives the freedom to act as they wish. They do not realize yet, they do not understand… The duty their blood bestows upon them – what they know of it? What they know of life without it? They know nothing. And yet… it still has them, it moves them, leaves its imprint into their every thought and action… Because it's in their blood… They are shaped by their blood, their families, their presumed social standing… We all are, but some of us can find a way out. They… will not.

Blood and tradition. Duty.

You never questioned them. Not once. Never questioned the need to marry and have a heir. To the Potter name. To the Potter blood.

Never considered I could feel differently.

"Evans, I think."  
James stretched and walked to get himself a new butterbeer from the secret stash in the cupboard.  
"What about Evans?"  
Severus' nose was buried in his Potions' notes, again.  
"She's intelligent, she's smart, she's pretty – downright beautiful, I must say – she's a Muggleborn, so it goes with the current political standing of my family, and she has no relation to me. I think my parents will approve."  
Severus had raised his head from his notes and was looking at his companion with a puzzled expression.  
"What will your parents approve?"  
James didn't listen to him, deep in his own reasoning.  
"I like her – quite a lot, actually, we have started to get on better… She has a bit of a crush on me, I think, and," he finished triumphantly "the kids would be healthy, not like this inbreeding codswallop that's been going on recently. She's perfect!"  
"James," Severus was getting a really bad feeling. "James, what is she perfect for?"  
James looked at him happily, relieved to have found such a good solution to his parents' recent remarks about his duty to the family.  
"To be the next Mrs. Potter, of course! Don't you think she's perfect, Severus?"  
Severus looked into James' smiling face and felt the world come tumbling down around him. In the darkness there was only one thought.  
"That damned mudblood!"

_You never thought, did you? You never thought what you were doing to me, prancing around like that, her always by your side. You never thought what nit would be for me to hear how perfect a couple you were, romance of the ages, a Pure Blood wizard and a Muggleborn witch. You never thought, right? And you never understood, did you? Never understood why I turned away and left, why the next time we met I treated you like a stranger? No, not like stranger, like a hated enemy. I hated you, I did. I still do. But her… There was nothing too bad for her, nothing I wouldn't wish, curse upon her... Nothing. I hated her fiercely for years. A long time. But now… Tell me, James, did she ever know about us? Did you ever tell her about a pathetic Slytherin who fell in love with you and foolishly hoped he could hold your interest? Did you ever… I think not._

I've grown older. Wiser, I hope. So… I cannot hate the little Muggleborn witch who was caught in the dazzling light of your sun. But I do not like to remember her.

**"Fine, Mr. Potter, this is acceptable. Just barely. I would advice you to take an effort to prepare for my classes in the future, but I know very well this is a lost cause."**

Snape's tone was saying exactly what he thought about Harry's mental capabilities and intelligence. Harry kept his mouth shut and kept silently repeating "I will not lose any more points to Gryffindor." He did not need another detention, an upcoming evening with Filch was bad enough.

Apparently surprised at the lack of objections Snape looked at Harry for a long moment and the snapped his fingers derisively.

"Dismissed. Go straight to your dormitory, Mr. Potter, and no detours."  
Harry went.

_I will keep your prized heir alive, don't worry about that. But don't ask me for more – just don't. All that we had was a just dream, anyway. Just a stupid adolescent dream. You wouldn't have come back even if she died, I understand that now. I understood it even then, that's why I… I just didn't want to accept it.  
So don't ask me to care for him. I will never love him, never. Those eyes… And he will never love me.  
Don't worry about your son, Lily Evans. I will keep him safe. But don't ask of me more._

**The End**


End file.
